What Will People Think? The Fear That Holds Us Back
Fear is a powerful force. We fear failure. We fear success. We fear the messy middle - when we've started something, but it's not going as planned. We fear writing the book that never gets published or launching the business that might not work. Whenever we are about to do something that is daring and bold, one of the greatest fears that holds us back is this: What will people think?
What will my friends think? Will they judge me? Will they reject me?
Will they see me as an imposter, a fraud? Will they tell me I have changed? These fears are deeply ingrained in us. As human beings, we are wired for connection and approval — in evolutionary terms our survival depended on the group accepting and taking care of us. Being cast out from the group meant certain death for the immature and vulnerable human baby.
This is why today, when thinking about a dream project - while the stakes are no longer life or death, the fear of disapproval and rejection is still powerful enough to keep us playing small. It stops us from taking risks, saying yes to opportunities, and pursuing the things we most long to do.
The Truth About Friends and Fear and Approval
We fear losing the approval of others. That if we chase our dreams we will lose relationships, respect, or belonging. But when we take courageous steps, our friendships tend to divide naturally into two groups:
1.True Friends and Cheerleaders– These are the people who support us and cheer us on, even when they don’t fully understand our choices. They overcome their own fears for us and offer encouragement when we are scared and doubt ourselves.
2.The Doubters – Those who judge, distance themselves, or subtly discourage us. Sometimes they do it because our boldness shows them their tendency to stay hidden. Because our courage sheds light on how they are choosing to stay stuck.
Others encourage us to keep playing small because they’re afraid for us. They want us to stay safe, to stick with what’s predictable and safe. Often, those who resist your growth the most are well-meaning family members who sincerely want to protect us. But their fears do not have to become our fears.
You can’t win ‘em all - You don’t have to convince everyone.
Not everyone will understand your decisions or your journey. And that’s okay. Over time, your results will speak for themselves. Some people will always judge you, not because of what you do, but because of what it represents to them. Your courage forces them to confront their own fears, their own unfulfilled dreams. That discomfort is theirs to carry, not yours.
Facing Your Own Fears
It’s not just the opinions of others that create fear—we have our own internal battles, too. We fear financial instability, uncertainty, loneliness, and the possibility of failure.
We fear proving the naysayers right. But confidence is not about never being criticized it’s about knowing that you will survive the criticism. It is about knowing that if things do not go to plan you will figure it out.
The Shifting Illusion of Approval
The same people who doubt you now might later say - (once they witness your success), I always knew she was destined for greatness. Their opinions shift constantly—so why let them dictate your choices?
You cannot govern your life by what other people think. When I fly over a city at night, I look down at all the lights and remind myself—there are millions of people down there, most of whom don’t know me, don’t think about me, and don’t care what I do. The same is true when I look up at the stars. My worries, my fears, my concerns about others’ opinions—they are so small in the vastness of the cosmos.
The truth is, most people aren’t thinking about you at all. They’re thinking about themselves, their own dreams, their own fears. And yet, we waste so much energy worrying about their opinions.
In the next few days or weeks - how about conducting a tiny experiment and follow that wise voice in your head, that is calling you to do what you have been wanting to for so long? What if, just for today, you were to give yourself permission?
If you’re a writer, write.
If you’re a painter, paint.
If you’re an entrepreneur, build.
Accepting the Fear - and Doing it Anyway.
The famous Nike slogan, Just Do It, acknowledges the presence of fear. The word just acknowledges the fear and recognizes that we hesitate, we overthink, we doubt ourselves - but tells us to act anyway. Everything courageous that we long to do comes with a measure of fear. The shadow of fear tells me that something matters, and the more it matters the bigger the shadow.
Keep Moving Forward
Once you've taken the leap and created something—sent it off for approval, launched your project, pitched your idea—what do you do next? You keep going.
Don’t wait in agony for approval. Don’t overthink it. Don’t put your life on pause. If one project doesn’t work, pivot. If you get a rejection, learn from it and try again. Momentum is key—keep working, keep creating, keep pushing forward. As Nike would say - if you have a dream, just do it.
Because in the end, the only opinion that truly matters is your own.
