Why Decision-Making Feels So Hard. (And How to Do It Anyway)
Every decision we make comes at a cost. We often think of choices as opening doors to new opportunities, but the hard truth is that every choice requires leaving something behind.
You know what you want, but it feels like an invisible elastic band pulling you in the opposite direction.
You dream of leaving your job to start your own business, but the comfort of a steady paycheck keeps you tethered.
You want to say no more often and carve out time for yourself, but the fear of disappointing others feels paralyzing.
Why We Struggle with Bold Decisions: The Tension Between Two Truths
Having to decide, to choose, often brings us face-to-face with two conflicting truths.
“I want to look after my family, but I don’t want to keep running on empty.”
“I want to grow and challenge myself, but I don’t want to lose the stability I’ve built.”
The push and pull is real. We tell ourselves, “I can figure out a way to have both,” but sometimes compromise is impossible. Something has to give. Instead of acknowledging this reality, we delay making the decision, hoping that by waiting long enough, the answer will become less painful.
The Hidden Cost of Choosing Yourself
Often, the hardest part isn’t the choice itself—it’s the unspoken cost of it.
- The fear of letting someone down.
- The worry of being seen differently.
For many women, choosing themselves means risking the loss of hard-earned approval, admiration, or validation. We hesitate not because we are unsure but because choosing ourselves means redesigning our identity, which can feel like a loss. Yet every time you say yes to yourself, you are not abandoning others—you are honoring your true path.
Rewiring Cultural Conditioning:
Beyond Being Nice, Good, Perfect, or Selfless
Often, we do not struggle with decision-making because we do not know what we want. We struggle because we have not given ourselves permission to want it.
You know, deep down that you need to make space for yourself—to stop running on empty and to set better boundaries - yet the identity of being 'the reliable one’ and ‘the caring one’ is so ingrained in you that stepping away from it feels like stepping into the unknown.
Many women have also been conditioned to believe that prioritizing our well-being is selfish. There is a deep, ingrained guilt around choosing ourselves. But the truth is, an empty jug serves no one.
Our Cultural Conditioning also has our inner critic saying things like:
What if they judge you?
What if they do not understand?
What if they say, “You have changed”?
Let them!
Their disappointment is theirs to bear. You are not responsible for managing everyone elses expectations. Trust that you will survive judgment, disappointment, and disapproval.
And if someone says, “You’ve become so full of yourself,” you might reply, “Thank you. It took a lot of work to get here.”
Self-care is not abandonment of responsibility; setting boundaries is not rejection. Choosing yourself does not mean you love others any less. It fills you up so that you can give better.
So if you are standing at a crossroads, wrestling with the weight of a choice, ask yourself: What are you finally ready to claim? And to do that – what are you willing to let go of?
The Courage To Commit - A Decision for Today
There comes a time when you have to commit. If you keep thinking, "One day, I will," that one day will have to become today - because the truth is, there may never be a perfect time.
When I was seven, my grandfather used to read to me from a tiny, tattered book called Gandhi’s Favorite Poems. One Hindi couplet has stayed with me ever since:
"Jo kal kare so aaj kar, jo aaj kare so ab,
Pal mein pralaya hoyegi, bahuri karega kab?"
Roughly translated, it means: What you plan to do tomorrow, do it today; what you plan to do today, do it now. It is a reminder that waiting too long can mean missing our moment. But regret is not inevitable—you are standing at the edge of choice.
Clarity does not come from waiting. It comes from deciding and committing to that decision. It comes from choosing.
As William Hutchison Murray wrote:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness... Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."
You’ll never know if it’s the right decision until you take it. And even then, you may not be certain. So maybe the only right thing to do is to try—to choose, to commit, and then to make that decision right, to make it work for you, despite - whatever.
If you’re facing a decision and want real clarity, let’s talk.
I offer a session where you’ll get to try out a powerful decision-making tool—one that helps you move from hesitation to action with confidence. This isn’t just about the decision in front of you, but about how you approach decisions moving forward. It’s also a chance to see how coaching can support you if that’s something you’re considering.
